The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
