and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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