she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
