so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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