I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I deserve this hangover.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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