We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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