My friends, they love my intelligence
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
