Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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