Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
