Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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