totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
