If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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