he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
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