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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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