I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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