actually, I'm a sock model
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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