It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
