Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
