His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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