names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
