im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
