East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
