we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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