if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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