Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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