Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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