I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
