then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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