you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
