she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
