I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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