It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Say something about gay babies.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
