i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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