You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
