Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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