either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
