K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
