Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
