Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
