Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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