I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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