The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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