I think I died a long time ago.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize