have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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