I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
