Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
