He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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