She said her name was "party"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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