she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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