I feel like abortions should bother me more
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize