Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
