Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
