well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
