Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
