The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize