I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
