i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
