i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
