I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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