I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize