her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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