Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just high enough for therapy.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize