I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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