This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
