I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
