Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
