You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
