why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize