Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
