best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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