Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
The air taste purple.
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